Be Happy! It's Purim!

The Astros won big today, defeating the Braves 47-4 in a blowout homegame that went a long way in restoring the team pride that has been eroded by the losses in the first two weeks of Spring Training. Houston took an early lead, scoring the first 17 runs in the first inning, when the team batted around three times. Carlos Lee celebrated his return from Panama's truncated venture into the WBC by hitting two grand slams in the first inning. Everyone in the Astros lineup contributed to the fun, including starting pitcher Brian Moehler, who hit a 3-run homer of his own. "I was actually trying to bunt," Moehler admitted. "But I guess I hit it a little harder than I meant to."

Even the bullpen contributed at the plate - in the fifth inning Jose Valverde stretched what looked like a double into a three-bagger, then stole home on the next pitch with a head-first dive to the plate. Manager Cooper was delighted with the offensive energy, but not to the point of encouraging foolish risks: "I'm glad that I decided to let the pitchers bat today. The DH is a stupid American League thing anyway. But I'm fining Valverde for sliding into home pitching-hand first - what good would he be to us if the catcher had turned his pitching hand into Swiss cheese with his cleats?"

It's difficult to pick a Player of the Game, when so many players contributed at the plate. Matsui went 3 for 4. Bourn hit two infield singles, and stole second bath times; he hit a double in his third at-bat and stole third. Berkman, Pence, Smith and Boone all connected for multiple extra-base hits. Towles, in the most innovative at-bat, swung at a slider that bounced on the plate. He did a complete sommersault, managing in the process to hit the ball, which skidded past the diving Braves third baseman. The acrobatic Towles ended up standing on second, right-side up, with a double.

It would have been hard for the Braves to have topped this phenomenal offense, but they didn't have a chance against a totally dominating performance by starting pitcher Moehler and the Astros bullpen. The Braves only managed two singles and a walk in the first 8 innings. After all of the Houston pitchers had gotten in their work for the day, Cooper -- apparently embarrassed by the lopsided score -- decided to move Towles to the mound for the final inning. "I thought it would be educational for him to see the game from the other side," Cooper said. Towles gave up 4 runs, 2 of them unearned, on 7 hits, 4 walks, and 3 hit batters before the afternoon game finally ended, just as the sun was setting over Osceola County Stadium.

NOTE: I think I may have gotten a few facts about today's game confused. What can I say? Today was Purim, a Jewish holiday that is celebrated by reading the Biblical Book of Esther, giving charity to the poor, giving gifts of food to friends, and by drinking wine to the point where one cannot tell the hero of the story from the bad guy. Or in baseball terms, imbibing to the point where one cannot tell an Astros blowout of epic proportions from just another loss in Spring Training 2009. You know, now and then, a little confusion goes a long way...

Happy Purim, y'all!